Just for Today.

This is a mantra that people may recognize from AA, NA, and similar organizations. I have hijacked for my own meanings, and stuff that gets me through the day.

Just for today, I will take care of my Soldiers before myself

Just for today, I prepare myself for the mission ahead, whatever that may be.

Just for today, I will get through one more alive.

Just for today, I will take the fight to my enemies, for if they die before me, then I will go home to my family.

Just for today, I will pray that my loved ones have the strength not to worry about me, this is harder for them than for me.

Just for today, the bullshit will not touch me, I am stronger than anything that they can do to me.

Just for today, I will get to know my Soldiers a little bit better, their lives depend on my decisions, and mine on their actions.

Just for today, I will dream of home, where I am safe and loved.

Just for today, all I have to live through is today, tomorrow will take care of itself.

Just for today, I will shoot straighter than my foes, they can die, better them than me.

These are a few of the things that sustain me. I am a sensitive person, for those that know me, this is true. I have developed an even stronger love of life, and I am a stronger, better person for having gone(going) through this experience. Life hangs by a thread for all of us, no matter what our job, where we live, or what language we speak. I could get hit by a bus in LA, crushed by a rock in Phoenix. All we have is today. We can prepare for the future, but nothing is guaranteed.

........and life goes on, for one more day......

My Heroes

You know, alot is made about Soldiers, Policemen, Fireman, Paramedics, those types of people in jobs that are either very dangerous, protective in some way, or that save lives. These jobs have their heroic merits, don't get me wrong, but after all, they just jobs. To say that these people are my heroes would be very cliche, and also, kind of redundant. There's nothing wrong with people taking the time to thank these people for the work that they do, and I have some of each that are either close friends, and family, and I thank them myself for the jobs that they do. The reason that I am writing about this is that someone asked me who my heroes were. While I didn't have to think very hard about it to answer it, it was a very interesting question that made me reflective and think on it long after I had answered it.

My Dad: He is the epitome of what a man is in my opinion. While he is physically imposing, he has never been intimidating. He has the most generous soul and is the most giving man I have ever met. He has worked very hard his whole life, and I have never heard him complain about when life has dumped all over him. He supported his spouse's, his children, and step-children in all that we have done. I can think of many times over the course of my almost 29 years on this planet where countless people have asked him for help, and he has never let anyone down.

My Step-Dad: For many of the same reasons as my dad, but also for the fact that he has put his life on the line every day for nearly 30 years as a cop. He took responsibility for a family that wasn't even his. Bigger heart I have never seen in a person.

My Siblings: All of them are better than I am. From the business owner with 5 children, to the Fireman who runs into burning buildings, to the one that has dedicated her life to serving her God and trying to make the world a better place for all mankind. They are all people who have enriched my life, and I am thankful for their love and support.

My Significant Other: Though we don't often see eye to eye on many things, and she is a very different person than I am. She lives her life to her standards, and doesn't care what anyone else thinks. That takes more courage, in a society where all are pressured to conform, than walking into a firefight. Her independence makes her a person that I wish that I could be, without her in my life, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. She gives me the courage to go on day-to-day. I love her for that.

This is a short list, and on it I could include my Grandmothers(both of them), my mother, my step-mother. I am very blessed with a support group and a family that I strive hard to make proud of me through my actions and the way that I live my life. My family is my rock and I love each and every one of them. They are all my heroes. (oh yeah, I can't forget COL David Hackworth, the most decorated Soldier in American history, him too.)

Almost time..

..To go home for vacation. Yes ladies and germs, the time for mid-tour leave is almost upon us. As I write this, I have somewhere in the neighborhood of 2 1/2 weeks till I board a plane that will take me back to Earth, and more importantly, Los Angeles, California. Where, for 15 wonderful days I won't have to worry about dumb beaurocratic bullshit, the Taliban, al-Qaeda, smelly locals(except for the homeless in LA), VBIED's(Vehicle Borne Improvised Explosive Device's), running over donkey carts, and a plethora of other weird shit that goes on here on Mars. It can't come at a better time, I am tired all the time, and the mindless void that is this base just sucks the life right out of the most motivated GI on the planet. As you can tell I am over whatever malaise that had overtaken me the last time that I posted, and I am just basically counting the days until I board that sweet, sweet C17 that is made right there in Long Beach, CA, and fly my big ass to the States. There are 2 downsides to the whole thing though, 1: it will take me at least 3 days to get home. I am only 6500 miles from LA, but the fact that I have to fly 3/4's around the world to get home, well that kinda sucks. 2: I am leaving on Sept. 11th. I know, I know the 5th year anniversary of the attack that started this entire little ruckus. For those of you that don't know, Islamic culture is HUGE on celebrating anniversaries, so pray that I don't so much as become pizza sauce on the inside of an M1114 on my way to the Airfield.


Thanks to my Uncle Ken and Aunt Judy for sending me the care package, my squad appreciated it.

Too Damn Long....

It has been that since I wrote here, 3 months is a long time for me to be without this outlet, its not like I don't have the time. I will be going home in about a month, and I am kind of scared about it. I have spent 4 days total at home this year, and I am afraid that I won't know how to act. The stress level over here has been really high of late, and I can honestly say that its not because of anything that the enemy has done. Things at home have not been ideal since I left, making this more difficult than it should've been, and to top it all off, there is way more bullshit going on with my unit than I care to even comprehend. I can honestly say, that if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't. The cost has been to great, the mission isn't worth, we are hamstrung by way too much bureaucratic nonsense than should be allowed in any combat zone, (not allowed to wear our combat helmets while on patrol, not allowed to patrol in up armored Humvees, have to use standard SUV's instead.....etc). So I can honestly say that my time is not being put to good use, or that the sacrifice is worth it. I find myself growing more and more resentful of the Afghan people, and that is the problem, its not their fault that I am here, its solely mine, I volunteered, and took my chances, at least its not Iraq. I find myself in an emotional abyss at the moment, I can barely maintain my focus, not a positive thing in a war zone. I know that this is all temporary, and that I have the support of my family and my SO's family, but that is truly of little comfort at the moment when all one can see is 7 months left on a miserable deployment. I really have no reason to bitch, there are thousands of military folks that would love to be where I am at, so if I sound like a whiny little bitch, I am sorry. We can only play the cards we are dealt, and I sat down at the table. In the immortal words of a close friend of mine here, "Fuck it, whatever."