Too Damn Long....

It has been that since I wrote here, 3 months is a long time for me to be without this outlet, its not like I don't have the time. I will be going home in about a month, and I am kind of scared about it. I have spent 4 days total at home this year, and I am afraid that I won't know how to act. The stress level over here has been really high of late, and I can honestly say that its not because of anything that the enemy has done. Things at home have not been ideal since I left, making this more difficult than it should've been, and to top it all off, there is way more bullshit going on with my unit than I care to even comprehend. I can honestly say, that if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't. The cost has been to great, the mission isn't worth, we are hamstrung by way too much bureaucratic nonsense than should be allowed in any combat zone, (not allowed to wear our combat helmets while on patrol, not allowed to patrol in up armored Humvees, have to use standard SUV's instead.....etc). So I can honestly say that my time is not being put to good use, or that the sacrifice is worth it. I find myself growing more and more resentful of the Afghan people, and that is the problem, its not their fault that I am here, its solely mine, I volunteered, and took my chances, at least its not Iraq. I find myself in an emotional abyss at the moment, I can barely maintain my focus, not a positive thing in a war zone. I know that this is all temporary, and that I have the support of my family and my SO's family, but that is truly of little comfort at the moment when all one can see is 7 months left on a miserable deployment. I really have no reason to bitch, there are thousands of military folks that would love to be where I am at, so if I sound like a whiny little bitch, I am sorry. We can only play the cards we are dealt, and I sat down at the table. In the immortal words of a close friend of mine here, "Fuck it, whatever."