Illusions..

We all have them. Some are for our own benefit, others are for the sanity of those in our lives. Why are people so afraid to be themselves? This question has been posed in many forms and many ways by alot of people. Is there an answer? I think that each person has to find it within themselves to answer that.

I was talking to female friend from junior high that I have recently got back into contact with. Her and I were discussing failed relationships. Hers and mine. She was saying the typical men are pigs who can't commit and all that other shit, but I was saying that most relatioships fail because everyone lies. They mostly lie to themselves. In my experience, people are afraid to really see what is happening in their lives. So they create these illusions about those that are in our lives. It usually manifests itself into the "if I love him/her enough they'll change." The fact is, most people will not change unless they want to, they have to see the benefit and really want the alternative. Throw that in with the fact that most people are inherently selfish, and will do what is the easiest/most beneficial to them at that moment of time. This can be seen in familial relationships as well. Those that keep taking the alcoholic/drug addict/repeat criminal family member back into their lives. We know that this isn't healthy, but we still do it anyways.

So I say this for myself. My illusions are dead, done. I am no longer afraid to face the truth of people, and will no longer tolerate that behavior in others. The key is to be this way and not to be hurtful. Life is a painful process, that is the unavoidable truth, I can try and soften it as much as possible, but that will not alleviate pain. I will however temper this with the knowledge that the blunt, honest truth, by itself isn't always the answer. It can be used as a bludgeon to slam people for no reason. I may keep some truths to myself, those that serve no benefit of any kind. I think that as I go into my 3rd decade on this Earth, that with the maturity and clarity, that goes with my unique life experiences, I hope that I will be a better person for the lies that I have told myself. Maybe just knowing this will stop me every once in a while and I will ask myself: "Am I being honest with myself?"