1 year done and gone

Almost 1 year has passed since I returned from the war. I have spent the last 11 months on Active duty at Fort Lewis, where my little adventure started, training Soldiers, Sailors, and Airman getting ready to head downrange.

I live by myself, and I am single, for the first time in my adult life, and that has been interesting to say the least. I have been assigned to an Infantry(Training) unit, and I love my job. I am still trying to sort out my past life with my ex, as we still own a house together. As soon as I returned the market went to shit, and hasn't yet recovered. We are civil to each other, but the last time that I was in LA, I got the feeling that she was a bit scared of me, and that hurts, I never would, nor have I ever raised a hand to hurt her. I have spent some time in Portland, Seattle, and several trips back to Phoenix to see the family, but through it all, I remain alone.

I have found that returning home was much harder than I anticipated. In some ways, I still haven't found the peace that I've been searching for. I have no real emotions to speak of, and though I try, I find myself wanting to return to Afghanistan in search of something that I think that I lost. Deep down I know that I can never recover it, but the urge to try is great.

My orders keeping me at Lewis are set to expire in 60 days or so, I am in the process of trying to extend for another year, but must make plans in case that it doesn't happen. I can either say Fuck it! and let my house go, stay in Washington, and ruin my financial future for the foreseeable future, or I can go back to LA and work at my job and try and find another deployment to go on. The CA Guard is sending a task force to Kosovo sometime in the near future, and that's a part of the world that I've never seen before. That's an option, or there's always Iraq, the big dance. I can only influence the future, not control it. So I'll do what I can, and we'll see how the cards play out.