L.A. Soldier

Where are our "royals" at?

2008-02-29T13:29:00.001-08:00

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=522552&in_page_id=1770&ct=5

Prince Harry, 3rd in line to the British throne, has been, by all accounts mixing it up with the Taliban in southern Afghanistan for the last 3 months, and they decide to pull him out after Matt Drudge decides to expose his deployment.

Drudge is an idiot for breaking this story, and Harry has balls of stone for hanging out in the neighborhood that he has been, not a very nice locale by any one's estimation. This brings me to my question? Where are America's "royals"? That 1-3% of our population that is at the top of the heap? As someone who has been here and there in the Army for the last 12 years or so, they're MIA. Gone. They don't exist. Is this a problem? For some it may be, but who really cares, this is the way that its been since time immemorial. There have been a few notable exceptions, but since the end of the Draft Era 35 years ago, we have been a military populated by the lower to middle class. The rich and superrich don't have to serve, and if they choose not to, that's their right, hence the term "all volunteer" military.

By all accounts, we have the lowest percentage of members of Congress ever that have not served in the military in the history if America. We have a *snicker*(I only snicker at that because when you vault over 150+ people on the waiting list to join the Guard at a time when it was the same as dodging the draft, then your service is tainted) Air Guardsman in the White House, and a 5 time draft dodger as the Veep. While we have been a nation at war for more than 6 years, and we have less and less people who know what its like to serve your nation, then alot of folks think that unless you have some idea what its like, then you shouldn't send the young of this nation into harms way. I call bullshit, that what we have the DOD, and the Joint Chiefs of Staff for. These advisers to the Powers that Be are the one's responsible for telling these folks what the Servicemembers are going through.

I don't need the rich to do my job for me, you want to join and sit at my shoulder and fight alongside me, grab an M4 and lets do it. Money and doesn't make someone a better Soldier or not. The desire to learn the trade, and the ability to apply that knowledge is what matters. I say good job to Prince Harry, he could've avoided the military all together, but chose to fight.

"I am a Soldier, I fight where I am told, and I win where I fight." LTG Patton.

1 year done and gone

2008-02-26T15:11:00.000-08:00

Almost 1 year has passed since I returned from the war. I have spent the last 11 months on Active duty at Fort Lewis, where my little adventure started, training Soldiers, Sailors, and Airman getting ready to head downrange.

I live by myself, and I am single, for the first time in my adult life, and that has been interesting to say the least. I have been assigned to an Infantry(Training) unit, and I love my job. I am still trying to sort out my past life with my ex, as we still own a house together. As soon as I returned the market went to shit, and hasn't yet recovered. We are civil to each other, but the last time that I was in LA, I got the feeling that she was a bit scared of me, and that hurts, I never would, nor have I ever raised a hand to hurt her. I have spent some time in Portland, Seattle, and several trips back to Phoenix to see the family, but through it all, I remain alone.

I have found that returning home was much harder than I anticipated. In some ways, I still haven't found the peace that I've been searching for. I have no real emotions to speak of, and though I try, I find myself wanting to return to Afghanistan in search of something that I think that I lost. Deep down I know that I can never recover it, but the urge to try is great.

My orders keeping me at Lewis are set to expire in 60 days or so, I am in the process of trying to extend for another year, but must make plans in case that it doesn't happen. I can either say Fuck it! and let my house go, stay in Washington, and ruin my financial future for the foreseeable future, or I can go back to LA and work at my job and try and find another deployment to go on. The CA Guard is sending a task force to Kosovo sometime in the near future, and that's a part of the world that I've never seen before. That's an option, or there's always Iraq, the big dance. I can only influence the future, not control it. So I'll do what I can, and we'll see how the cards play out.

Bizarro World

2007-02-01T22:30:00.000-08:00

I've been asked alot over the last 10 months of my deployment, "whats it like over there?" There are several analogies that come to mind. The one that I use the most, is, "imagine being pulled off of Earth, and dropped on an entirely new planet." That one doesn't really fit the more that I think about it. Another one frequently used, " imagine that 14th century Europe collided with the 21st century." Meaning that these people are medieval, in actions, infrastructure, societal views, etc. The funniest one that I can think of is that its like living in a National Geographic documentary. Observing the locals is one of the few things that I can do, to relieve boredom, and make my mundane 12 hour shift go by fast. I've always been a fan of people watching, however, this is just too fun. From the local cops who habitually beat and rob the locals, to the children who can curse better in English(or German, or Italian, or French, or even Spanish) than I can. I wish that average Americans could come here and spend a week seeing what I see, and see what oppression(women treated less than cattle), and abject poverty really looks like.

One of my favorite pastimes, I hate to admit, is embarrassing some of the local contract drivers that work on the compound. They pick up our trash, pump the septic tanks, and other tasks that we don't have to do. Often as not, they have Western skin mags somewhere in the cabs of their trucks. When I find it, I will walk over to the group of drivers, ask who it belongs to, and inevitably, the guy is snitched out by his friends. I smile, laugh, and call him a bad Muslim. They get embarrassed, and usually throw it away. I am not one to begrudge a man some porn, but the double standard thatwe are expected to adhere to is asinine.

We are not supposed to even acknowledge their women, but they can look at ours? They mock our culture, and yet revel in it underground? WTF. Pointing this out to them, is fun, and I'm probably not making any points with Karma for it, but who cares. The point is, that these, like any other "religious" countries, have the same variation of people who adhere to its doctrine as we do. Some are very pious, and some pretend to be. Can't wait to go home, and leave this Bizarro World and head back to Earth.

Saying Goodbye..

2007-01-19T11:46:00.000-08:00

There are certain people here that have seemed to bond here, as one would imagine. This is different. The base that I am on is very small, maybe 800 people at most, mostly senior ranking officers and senior enlisted, and very much like a small town. There are very few of us that don't fit that bill. There are elements here, between my unit, the medics at the clinic, the PSD(Personal Security Details), and some other odds and ends that become good friends. The medics are leaving. The time for us to start rotating back has arrived. Its them first, then the PSD people, then finally us. This is a group of Soldiers, Active and Guard, from California to Indiana to Germany, MP's, medics, FP's(Force Protection), and a couple of others that have managed to belong. As I watch these people leave, I am happy that they get to go home, but also saddened at the same time, its very difficult to explain. They lost one of their own this trip, and luckily no one else, as medics have one of the roughest jobs in the Army. They go back to Fort Drum, and I said goodbye tonight. I will remember them always, and attempt to stay in touch, but as with all things, intentions are there, but life happens.

New Year

2007-01-16T12:12:00.000-08:00

Well, well, here we are into the 3rd week of the new year, and guess what, feels like the last one, except colder. I am almost out of the black hole that has been my life for the last year and some change.

Some good things have happened over this time period though. I have a new nephew that I haven't even met. My little brother is a dad, and I can't wait to see Keegan. Via the internet, I have managed to reconnect with some long lost friends that will make my trip to Phoenix much more enjoyable than an ordinary trip would be. The year is looking bright, better than the last one started off. Within the next 75 days, I will be back in the States, back in California, and happy not carrying a weapon everywhere I go.

The SO and I split up right before the New Year. Its painful, but it was neccessary. I still love her as much as I always have, and we still have alot shit to sort through in the coming months, but who knows where it will take us. Always, the only thing that I have wanted for her is to be happy, whatever that means. She has been, and will for the foreseeable future continue to be a huge influence in my life. I would not be the man that I am today without her love, and guidance. Oh well.

Illusions..

2006-12-26T21:38:00.000-08:00

We all have them. Some are for our own benefit, others are for the sanity of those in our lives. Why are people so afraid to be themselves? This question has been posed in many forms and many ways by alot of people. Is there an answer? I think that each person has to find it within themselves to answer that.

I was talking to female friend from junior high that I have recently got back into contact with. Her and I were discussing failed relationships. Hers and mine. She was saying the typical men are pigs who can't commit and all that other shit, but I was saying that most relatioships fail because everyone lies. They mostly lie to themselves. In my experience, people are afraid to really see what is happening in their lives. So they create these illusions about those that are in our lives. It usually manifests itself into the "if I love him/her enough they'll change." The fact is, most people will not change unless they want to, they have to see the benefit and really want the alternative. Throw that in with the fact that most people are inherently selfish, and will do what is the easiest/most beneficial to them at that moment of time. This can be seen in familial relationships as well. Those that keep taking the alcoholic/drug addict/repeat criminal family member back into their lives. We know that this isn't healthy, but we still do it anyways.

So I say this for myself. My illusions are dead, done. I am no longer afraid to face the truth of people, and will no longer tolerate that behavior in others. The key is to be this way and not to be hurtful. Life is a painful process, that is the unavoidable truth, I can try and soften it as much as possible, but that will not alleviate pain. I will however temper this with the knowledge that the blunt, honest truth, by itself isn't always the answer. It can be used as a bludgeon to slam people for no reason. I may keep some truths to myself, those that serve no benefit of any kind. I think that as I go into my 3rd decade on this Earth, that with the maturity and clarity, that goes with my unique life experiences, I hope that I will be a better person for the lies that I have told myself. Maybe just knowing this will stop me every once in a while and I will ask myself: "Am I being honest with myself?"

Time Marches On...

2006-12-23T00:48:00.000-08:00

Well into the ninth month of a 12 month deployment, 16 months away from home when this is all said and done. I have less than 100 days left, and the time seems to be standing still. Maybe its the Christmas Season, the end of the year, or just the fact that I am burned out that is making December the longest month in the history of man.

In a year from now, my life will be much different than it is today, most won't even recongnize it. I will have a new job, possibly a new address, and possibly be single for the first time in almost 10 years. Time is the one thing that is constant, there is nothing that we can do about it. I often find it hard to focus on what is going on here, and focus more on what is going at home, both good and bad. 12 hours in a guard tower leaves one with a lot of time to think. I am anxious to get on with it, enough of this, I am tired, I want to go home, I want the other shoe to drop one way or the other, and I want to see my family, my SO, and my country that I have given so much for. I have learned whatever lessons I was supposed to over here. Life is the greatest teacher that one has, but what else can I learn here? How to hurt? Check. How to be scared? Check. How to appreciate those things that are REALLY important in my life? Check. How to miss my family, and my entire way of life? Check. How to move on with my life? That one will have to wait for a few more months. I will be back in the Springtime. Not my favorite time of year, but one that is perfect symbol of rebirth, that man has associated with that season for all time. Rebirth of the new me.

New Years Resolutions:

Be more patient with people.

Not to put back on the 45+ pounds that I've lost while over here.

To make smart decisions about all aspects of my life.

To learn to follow through with things. (this has been a big one my whole life)

To hold on to that feeling of wonderment about the little things in life that most people miss in their day to day lives.

To watch my nieces and nephews grow.

To get a job with a Fire Department.

To love like I've never been hurt.

Walking in a Winter Muslim Land..

2006-12-05T22:35:00.000-08:00

Pictures of the street in front of my base at around 0500, before traffic really started and messed it up. Peaceful. Its a shame that this city couldn't be this peaceful and beautiful all the time.

So, winter has officially come Kabul. 19 degrees today at 9AM. Snowed for 3 days straight and is now clear and cold. I really like winter, as long as the sky is clear. The cold doesn't bother me, just the overcast skies. Coming from Phoenix, which gets 330 days of sun per year, spoiled me.
A few weeks before Xmas, and my shopping is already done, the packages are sent, and soon the friends and family will opening them. Miss my dad alot lately. Miss the whole family actually. One of my brothers has come up with the idea of me moving back to Phoenix, and he and I testing, training, going through the Fire Acaemy together, and starting a career together. I am giving this more serious thought than I have before. I didn't want to move back to AZ, but as my time here draws to a close, and the fact that I will have to face life as a civilian again, with all the inherent joys and sorrows that that brings, moving back "home" doesn't really bother me that much. My family has supported me more than anyone else. I miss them, and I have also reconnected some old friends from high school, and people really don't change all that much over the years.

I am kind of scared of turning 30. seems like a huge milestone. Getting old was for everyone else, not that 30 is old, but it seems like it. Random thoughts. Here's a couple of pics.

Merry Xmas, Happy New Year, and here's to being home in less than 100 days.

Oh yeah, almost forgot,

Centennial Coyotes 51

Peoria Panthers 7

Arizona 5A-II state semi finals football. Centennial went on to win the Title game, 34-0 over Sunnyslope to capture their first ever State Championship. Go Coyotes!!

Funk, and The Day That Never Ends..

2006-10-20T04:31:00.000-07:00

Well, here I sit, on a Friday afternoon, off shift, and I am wondering what life is like back in the States. I sit here and wonder what my family is doing at this moment, what I will be doing this time next year, and will I ever wake up from this bad dream. Been back 3 weeks and already the images of the World have started to fade. If I close my eyes, I can see my home, my dogs, my cats, and the SO. So much life has already happened, and I have missed it. Was it worth it? Doubtful. What will I be when I come out of this experience? Who knows. Will I be a stronger person? A resounding yes. Will the people there even care that I have the label of war veteran? No, only those that know me personally.

I refuse to let this experience define who I am. This will always be a part of who I am, but not what I am. Damn, I hate this place.

If you have ever seen the movie Groundhog Day, then that pretty much sums up my life. Every day is the same, little variation. Thats a good thing outside the wire, but inside, I have an inkling what prisoners feel. (if they were allowed to carry guns). So we go on.

Ramadan, Suicide Bombers, and a New Name..

2006-10-10T22:09:00.000-07:00

Well, well, here we sit in Central Asia with only 2 more weeks of Ramadan left. Ramadan for those that don't know is the holy month in the Muslim calendar, when the faithful do not consume any food, liquid, smoke, etc during the hours of sunlight, then at the end of the day, they all gather and eat and celebrate their families and the wholesome goodness of Allah. This is proving to be both a pro and a con for those of us visiting this little corner of the globe that aren't one of the "faithful". You see, during the day, our Dining Facilities here on base serve 4 meals a day, and on any normal day, in any normal month, you are forced to stand behind dozens of the locals who work on post as they are allowed to share our food, only fair, they work with/for us and the menu is surprisingly Islam friendly. This can often be frustrating as we have to wait in line for substandard food, and that makes the dining experience that much worse. With Ramadan being here, that whole thing is gone for breakfast, lunch, and the early hours of dinner. Also with Ramadan, I have seen the locals here on base, sneak food, water, and the occasional cigarette proving that Muslims here are people like any other, and that they observe the many varying levels of faith that the rest of us do. Which brings me to my next subject, the Suicide Bomber..

We had one yesterday in our area that killed 2 locals, and wounded at least a dozen more, don't think that it made the news, but that isn't really anything new, this war seldom makes the news. I was once told by friends of mine that during Ramadan, the number of attacks would increase, and damned if he wasn't right. So the moral of the story is that hungry, thirsty, fanatical people of all stripes are nuts. What goes on in the mind of someone that decides to strap on explosives, walks into a crowd, and detonates themselves? Fanatics, hate all stripes of them. I am more than willing to die and kill for what I believe, but to take innocents with me, come on, I'm calling bullshit.

The Taliban are back in Kabul, all you have to do is drive around this city a little while and you will see them. Dark, bearded men with turbans that stare very hardly at Coalition patrols and Soldiers. While it may be difficult to determine who is a Talib, and who is not in the countryside, not so much here in Kabul. The local Afghan's if they have beards, are short, and also if you look close enough you can tell the difference between the Hazara's(Asian features), the Tajiks(Lighter skin tones, and more European looking) , and the predominately Pashtu Taliban(Darker skin, darker eyes, a little rounder than both the Tajiks and the Hazaras). So we watch them, and they us, and hopefully the machine guns keep them away from us and send them over to attack someone else who will be allowed to shoot them(God, how these bastards deserve to die).

Final Thought: Started playing a new game on Xbox, is called The Suffering:Ties That Bind. I mentioned this to another Soldier, and they said that it sounded alot like Afghanistan, I have to agree.

Gone, and Back Again.

2006-10-07T19:30:00.000-07:00

Well, the trip home was a wonderous success. I enjoyed 15 days of outstanding time away from the warzone and being a normal, American again. I have only a few months left here and I am on the downhill side of my year in The Suck. The trip started off a little hair-raising, we left after 11 SEP, and the trip to the Airbase was mostly uneventful. I must say that I was a bit of a mess on the drive out there due to the fact that it has heated up over here of late, and the anxiety of going home. Being away from home for 10 months was bad enough, but not knowing how I was going to react to everyday mundane things was a bit unnerving.

The trip home took 3 days, and I arrived in Long Beach at 2 PM on a Thursday. The SO had surprised me by taking the day off of work, and was there when I arrived. I have to admit, that seeing was a bit of a shock, and I loved the fact that she was there to greet me. Going into an empty house would have been a bit depressing. There was a bit of a settling in period for both of us, but a few days later, things were back to semi-normal. Thankfully it only took a couple of days for me to adjust, and the transition was much smoother than I thought it would be.

About a week into the trip, we took off for Hawaii, Kauai to be exact for 4 days of sun, beaches, and great food, and just all around lying around. It was exactly what I needed. The last few days there flew by and before I knew it, I was on a plane coming back to this wonderful little spot of paradise known as Kabul. The trip back took 3 days, and I was here, pissed off and just a little irritable. I thoroughly enjoyed my time at home, regardless of the problems that myself and the SO have. Of course nothing really got solved, but it wasn't supposed to, I went home to enjoy my time with her and away from here. Those problems still exist and won't be worked out until I get home for good.

A few thoughts:

It felt like I was a stranger in my own life. My world quit in DEC '05, everyone else's continued on.

Its easier to be over here and not dealing with problems, than it is being home and having to be a fully functioning human being with responsibilities, realtionships, and the like. Not that that doesn't exist here, but they are much more cut and dry than they are back home.

Enjoyed a day with my mother and step-dad, they flew out to see me and I am glad that I got to see them. I wish that I had had the time to go back to AZ and see the rest of my family, as I miss them terribly, but this trip was for me.

Saw my Uncle, who is a Naval Officer now stationed close to where I live, it will be good to have family close by when I return home.

Dirty Rotten Bastards...

2006-09-10T15:49:00.000-07:00

Thats what I feel like saying, but in reality, I can't really complain to loudly. You see, I was supposed to start my trip home today, but being the day that it is, and what has happened recently, it has been postponed, so I am forced to wait a while longer. I can see why they did it, but the anxiety is still going to be there, and at this point, I just want to get home. One of the things that I have learned here is patience. There was a point in time that I was the most patient person on earth, but as I got older, for some reason I became very impatient, it was a skill that I had to relearn. Well, I relearned it. So I will sit here, and wait, and wait, until I get word when it is I am leaving, I just wish that they had told me this with more notice than 2 hours before I was supposed to leave, but what can you do? This is the Army after all. Enjoy America, and remember the reason that people like me are over in places like this.

Almost Home..

2006-09-05T06:54:00.000-07:00

Yup, by this time next week, I will breathing the sweet fresh air of Southern California. Hey, you think that the air in LA is bad, then try breathing this shit in Kabul, where 40-45% of the pollution is fecal matter, its like living in Mexico City, I'll take smog over shit any day of the week. Anyways, the trip will be long and won't go fast enough, but after only spending 8 days in my own house in the last 9 months, 2 weeks will be heaven. It truly takes being in a 3rd world shithole to appreciate what you have left. Abject poverty is no fun, neither are the explosions, gunfire, hostile locals, and myriad of other wonderful individuals that inhabit this planet they call Afghanistan. The SO's sister is marrying her boyfriend of 14-15 years this month, and they are expecting their first child, so all is not lost in the world. Can't wait to go home, just bursting at the seems to get the hell outta here.

Just for Today.

2006-08-28T04:14:00.000-07:00

This is a mantra that people may recognize from AA, NA, and similar organizations. I have hijacked for my own meanings, and stuff that gets me through the day.

Just for today, I will take care of my Soldiers before myself

Just for today, I prepare myself for the mission ahead, whatever that may be.

Just for today, I will get through one more alive.

Just for today, I will take the fight to my enemies, for if they die before me, then I will go home to my family.

Just for today, I will pray that my loved ones have the strength not to worry about me, this is harder for them than for me.

Just for today, the bullshit will not touch me, I am stronger than anything that they can do to me.

Just for today, I will get to know my Soldiers a little bit better, their lives depend on my decisions, and mine on their actions.

Just for today, I will dream of home, where I am safe and loved.

Just for today, all I have to live through is today, tomorrow will take care of itself.

Just for today, I will shoot straighter than my foes, they can die, better them than me.

These are a few of the things that sustain me. I am a sensitive person, for those that know me, this is true. I have developed an even stronger love of life, and I am a stronger, better person for having gone(going) through this experience. Life hangs by a thread for all of us, no matter what our job, where we live, or what language we speak. I could get hit by a bus in LA, crushed by a rock in Phoenix. All we have is today. We can prepare for the future, but nothing is guaranteed.

........and life goes on, for one more day......

My Heroes

2006-08-25T19:34:00.000-07:00

You know, alot is made about Soldiers, Policemen, Fireman, Paramedics, those types of people in jobs that are either very dangerous, protective in some way, or that save lives. These jobs have their heroic merits, don't get me wrong, but after all, they just jobs. To say that these people are my heroes would be very cliche, and also, kind of redundant. There's nothing wrong with people taking the time to thank these people for the work that they do, and I have some of each that are either close friends, and family, and I thank them myself for the jobs that they do. The reason that I am writing about this is that someone asked me who my heroes were. While I didn't have to think very hard about it to answer it, it was a very interesting question that made me reflective and think on it long after I had answered it.

My Dad: He is the epitome of what a man is in my opinion. While he is physically imposing, he has never been intimidating. He has the most generous soul and is the most giving man I have ever met. He has worked very hard his whole life, and I have never heard him complain about when life has dumped all over him. He supported his spouse's, his children, and step-children in all that we have done. I can think of many times over the course of my almost 29 years on this planet where countless people have asked him for help, and he has never let anyone down.

My Step-Dad: For many of the same reasons as my dad, but also for the fact that he has put his life on the line every day for nearly 30 years as a cop. He took responsibility for a family that wasn't even his. Bigger heart I have never seen in a person.

My Siblings: All of them are better than I am. From the business owner with 5 children, to the Fireman who runs into burning buildings, to the one that has dedicated her life to serving her God and trying to make the world a better place for all mankind. They are all people who have enriched my life, and I am thankful for their love and support.

My Significant Other: Though we don't often see eye to eye on many things, and she is a very different person than I am. She lives her life to her standards, and doesn't care what anyone else thinks. That takes more courage, in a society where all are pressured to conform, than walking into a firefight. Her independence makes her a person that I wish that I could be, without her in my life, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. She gives me the courage to go on day-to-day. I love her for that.

This is a short list, and on it I could include my Grandmothers(both of them), my mother, my step-mother. I am very blessed with a support group and a family that I strive hard to make proud of me through my actions and the way that I live my life. My family is my rock and I love each and every one of them. They are all my heroes. (oh yeah, I can't forget COL David Hackworth, the most decorated Soldier in American history, him too.)

Almost time..

2006-08-23T03:34:00.000-07:00

..To go home for vacation. Yes ladies and germs, the time for mid-tour leave is almost upon us. As I write this, I have somewhere in the neighborhood of 2 1/2 weeks till I board a plane that will take me back to Earth, and more importantly, Los Angeles, California. Where, for 15 wonderful days I won't have to worry about dumb beaurocratic bullshit, the Taliban, al-Qaeda, smelly locals(except for the homeless in LA), VBIED's(Vehicle Borne Improvised Explosive Device's), running over donkey carts, and a plethora of other weird shit that goes on here on Mars. It can't come at a better time, I am tired all the time, and the mindless void that is this base just sucks the life right out of the most motivated GI on the planet. As you can tell I am over whatever malaise that had overtaken me the last time that I posted, and I am just basically counting the days until I board that sweet, sweet C17 that is made right there in Long Beach, CA, and fly my big ass to the States. There are 2 downsides to the whole thing though, 1: it will take me at least 3 days to get home. I am only 6500 miles from LA, but the fact that I have to fly 3/4's around the world to get home, well that kinda sucks. 2: I am leaving on Sept. 11th. I know, I know the 5th year anniversary of the attack that started this entire little ruckus. For those of you that don't know, Islamic culture is HUGE on celebrating anniversaries, so pray that I don't so much as become pizza sauce on the inside of an M1114 on my way to the Airfield.

Thanks to my Uncle Ken and Aunt Judy for sending me the care package, my squad appreciated it.

Too Damn Long....

2006-08-10T05:46:00.000-07:00

It has been that since I wrote here, 3 months is a long time for me to be without this outlet, its not like I don't have the time. I will be going home in about a month, and I am kind of scared about it. I have spent 4 days total at home this year, and I am afraid that I won't know how to act. The stress level over here has been really high of late, and I can honestly say that its not because of anything that the enemy has done. Things at home have not been ideal since I left, making this more difficult than it should've been, and to top it all off, there is way more bullshit going on with my unit than I care to even comprehend. I can honestly say, that if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't. The cost has been to great, the mission isn't worth, we are hamstrung by way too much bureaucratic nonsense than should be allowed in any combat zone, (not allowed to wear our combat helmets while on patrol, not allowed to patrol in up armored Humvees, have to use standard SUV's instead.....etc). So I can honestly say that my time is not being put to good use, or that the sacrifice is worth it. I find myself growing more and more resentful of the Afghan people, and that is the problem, its not their fault that I am here, its solely mine, I volunteered, and took my chances, at least its not Iraq. I find myself in an emotional abyss at the moment, I can barely maintain my focus, not a positive thing in a war zone. I know that this is all temporary, and that I have the support of my family and my SO's family, but that is truly of little comfort at the moment when all one can see is 7 months left on a miserable deployment. I really have no reason to bitch, there are thousands of military folks that would love to be where I am at, so if I sound like a whiny little bitch, I am sorry. We can only play the cards we are dealt, and I sat down at the table. In the immortal words of a close friend of mine here, "Fuck it, whatever."

Time, and Afghan Cab Drivers

2006-04-23T12:02:00.000-07:00

Well folks, here I sit during my night off on the wonderful slice of heaven that is Camp Cupcake. It's called that because what you have here, is a Stateside mentality in the middle of a warzone. In my entire military career, I have never heard of having to salute people during wartime. The local commander's here have decided that the age old wisdom of not saluting officers due to snipers, and other dangers need not be followed due to how safe it is here. The rocket that went off less than a 1/4 mile from here 4 nights ago was just really a fluke.

Time. Lets discuss the all encompassing thing that is time. It has no meaning here at all. None. Like I said earlier, I have the night off and there is absolutely nothing to due, you can only check your email so many times before you realize, that the people back home don't have much to say from one day to the next. Time here is measured in a countdown kind of mode. Countdown until one goes on leave, till one goes on a 4 day pass, till one rotates back to the world. Having only been here for a little more than 30 days, let me tell you a year is a long damn time. Most other branches of the military are here for less than a year, not the Army, 12 months. If you are Guard or Reserves, you can add 3-6 months on top of that, and they wonder why I won't re-enlist. I am done with this crap ASAP. I'd walk away today if I could get away with it and never look back.

Now for the fun stuff. How many people here have ever pointed a gun at someone with the intention of using it? Not many. I thought so. I was out for a little walk with some friends the other night, and I was pulling rear security. With our enemies using the wonderful invention, the car bomb, when on foot, the biggest danger that we face is cars, both the explosive kind and getting hit by them. The drivers here are nuts, certifiably crazy. There are no traffic laws here. I've seen 2 people on bikes get hit by other locals since I have been here, and they didn't even stop. A cab decided that it wanted to run through me and my little merry band of pals, and I had other ideas. I waved at him to stop, he kept coming, I flashed a light at him, he was determined to get shot. It was only after I raised my M203 (an M4 assault rifle with a 40mm grendade launcher attached) at him that he finally changed his mind. He screeched his brakes, and stayed where I suggested. Folks, let me tell you, he was a heartbeat away from meeting Allah. All it would have taken was a flick of my thumb on the safety, and a squeeze of my right index finger, and we would have had an international incident on our hands starring Yours Truly. Let me let you in on a little secret, I am not one who likes to fight, I will if I must, but I am truly a lover and not a fighter. The idea of ending someone's life over something so incredibly stupid is a bit agonizing, but I can honestly tell you that I would have not lost a moments sleep over this, my life and the lives of my fellow Soldiers are more important than that of a local driver, sorry to sound arrogant, but I intend to go home and get on with my life. I am glad that he and the other drivers stopped and obeyed the traffic laws that were in place that night. Its not easy to raise a weapon at someone, but reflex and training being what they are, oh well. I am safe, he may have been a bit irritated and scared, and his fellow drivers were inconvenienced for a few moments, but if it makes their trip and mine a little safer, than no harm no foul.

Greeting from Kabul

2006-04-12T08:40:00.000-07:00

The last place anyone would ever want to be. Greetings and salutations friends, family, and the like. I have been halfway around the world for 3 weeks and let me tell you, it sucks. If anyone has ever been to Juarez, or Tijuana, then you have already been to Kabul. Minus the AK carrying cops. The traffic, the smog, the.....just wonderfulness that it a 3rd world capital. This place is more populous than Los Angeles proper, sits at 5500 feet above sea level, and stinks year round apparently.

Afghanistan from what I've seen is a beautiful country. Rolling hills, majestic mountains, flat plains, green pastures, IED's, mortars, rockets, Taliban, Al-Qaeda, illegal militia's, druglords, warlords, great place to raise a family.

The Afghan people that I have had the pleasuare of working with are warm, friendly, and seem to want to make the their country a better place. They also carry fully automatic assault rifles, and I wouldn't trust most of them as far as I can throw them. Being here is like I got dropped on an alien planet. The Muslim philosiphy is as strange to me as I am sure that we are to them. I have seen women in burka's, women in headscarves, and women going to a nearby German-ran school, so I know that this country is making progress.

I hope that my year here goes by quickly, I believe in the job that we are doing here, after all ladies and germs, this is where GWOT(Global War on Terror) started. The people that planned, financed, and executed nearly 3000 of my countryman were here, I just hope that the rest of the world remembers that we are here and not everyone is in Iraq.

I wish that I could tell all of you more details about what I am doing and what I have seen(and the funny things that makes the Army what it is). I am however trying to remain semi-anonymous, and operational security being what it is, I can't divulge facts that may endanger myself or my fellow Soldiers. So, to my family and friends, I love you all, please send me letters and stuff, and also, a plane ticket out of here, to anywhere, I don't care. (just kidding about the plane ticket, maybe)

Bringing the Suck..

2006-03-17T06:09:00.000-08:00

Thats the term that we use when something is horribly screwed up, and yet we know that we have to do it and so we embrace it, and get through it. I just got back from a wonderful 4 day visit that included an incredible night in a hotel in downtown Long Beach, a visit with my parents, seeing my brother and sister-in-law, and just being normal again. The visit with the SO was great. It took us a couple of days to get used to each other again, but the end was bad.

Leaving home for the 3rd time, lat night was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It will be at least 6 months before I see her beautiful smile again, hold her in my arms, smell her hair after she gets out of the shower...etc. It sucks, so I embrace it, and I go with the love of her and my family, and go on about the business of war, and hope to come home to my adopted home town, and to the woman that I left behind, like I said, Bring the Suck..

The time has come...

2006-03-11T17:05:00.000-08:00

The sunrise coming up over some of our
Guntrucks during training.

to leave this place. Its showtime ladies and germs. I get a few days at home next week, and then its off to the bad place. Let the clock start. This is going to get real interesting over the next couple of weeks. I am getting ready to spend another year of my life away from my loved ones. The first one was in Korea, and this sure as hell ain't that one. Carrying around a loaded rifle and handgun for the next year, is a sobering thought.

As I was on the bus today on my way to another class about Muslim culture and such, I was looking at the people that I will be depending on for my life and me theirs. It is a big responsibility that we have. Instead of fighting for my country, I am going to fight for someone else's. I believe in this mission, this is where the Global War on Terror started. In case you haven't figured it out by now, I am going to Afghanistan. If Korea was the forgotten war, then this one is the Invisible one. Everyone assumes that I am going to Iraq.

As I looked upon the faces of my comrades, I was struck by the fact that if you took most of us out of this situation, most of us wouldn't even associate with one another. Where else can a group of people, some aren't even citizens of this nation, and the rest of us come from every conceivible background and racial make-up that one can imagine, get together and forge bonds that are stronger than that with which we have with our families. It's something that John Q. Public can't even fathom.

I may end up losing everything that I have worked my adult life working for. My house, my mate, my job and my career. I fully intend to get out of the military when this is all over. The strain is too much. I will walk away from an 11 year career. This is all that I have ever known. I hate to admit it, but I am institutionalized. I hope that I can pick up my life where I left off, but the future isn't set. I may be a 29 year old man that has to start my life over again by myself. That sucks, and that is not my intention, I love her and want to stay with her, but neither one of us will be the same when this is over.

Is it worth it? Who knows. I have said it before, unless there is a personal stake in this, the rest of America doesn't care about its military members. We 1% bear the brunt of the defense of the other 99%. We are all volunteered for this, the sacrifices are part of that deal. So be it. I am bound and determined for this not to be the pivotal point of my life, it will be one of many, but not the one. I will come home and enjoy for a few days the fruits of my labor. A brief, few precious hours of normalcy before its off to combat. I will enjoy the smell of the Pacific, the taste of LA's restaurants, the traffic, and an all to brief visit with the parental units. I hope everyone knows how I feel about them. I have tried to make sure that all who have touched my life know what they mean to me. One can only prepare for the future, but it is not always what we want it to be.......

Mental State...

2006-02-05T20:30:00.000-08:00

My mental state seems to have been deteriorating rapidly for the last 2 weeks. I hate to put myself out here like this, but it seems that I can't really find the answer anywhere else. I can't really explain it in great detail, but it involves all facets of my life, both personal and professional. I can't complain to my friends, because they are all going through the same thing. I seem to find solace in anything at the moment. I miss home very, very much. The SO is supportive as she can be over the phone, and my friends here try and support me as much as they can, and I can't really talk to my family about it, as they wouldn't really be able to do much. I am not suicidal, as I don't have the desire to kill myself, thats a permenant solution to a temporary problem. I am suceptible to bouts of severe depression, I have been my whole life, I always bounce back eventually. I don't have the attention span to be depressed for very long.

I was off for most of this weekend, and spent it in Seattle. This is one of my favorite places on Earth, and it was ebb and flow most of the weekend. This too shall pass, like all other things. I will get over this. More to follow, better posts to follow.

Also, to top it off, I'm getting sick, again. This will be the 4th time in 2 months. normally I get sick maybe once every 18 months. This whole day has sucked.

Springtime is almost here...

2006-01-31T19:56:00.000-08:00

I apologize for not posting more often. Privacy and internet access were little better than shaky since we got here.

That is when we will be "in Theater", as it is called. I have been here at the mobilization station since the beginning of December. The days have been filled with alot of training, most good, some of it repetitive as hell. Some days are better than others. My platoon is pretty much set, and it seems that if all goes well, I will be in a position of leadership. Meaning that life and death decisions will be made by me. Talk about alot of pressure. I will be responsible for the well being and lives of other grown men. Scary. The mission that we will be performing is perhaps the hardest one in the Army.

The days more often than not start at 5AM, and aren't over until well into the night. It also didn't help that when we got here, that it rained for almost 30 days straight. It's also been very cold, coming from LA, where it's still 70 degrees and sunny, and then up here, its quite a shock. The pressure of being away from home is worse than I thought, I wish that we could just get it started so that I can get home. The Army Guard and Reserves get it worse than any other branches of the military. Not only do we have to be away from our families the longest, we get treated like 3rd class citizens by the Active Duty Army, worse equipment, and we are expected to be as good. The typical Guard deployment is a standard 18 months, as opposed to 12 for the Regular Army. I will publish more as time permits, gotta go and do paperwork.

Security, Going Home, and Family.

2005-11-30T20:33:00.000-08:00

What is security? It means different things to different people, also there's different kinds of security. It can mean physical security, the belief that your physical body is safe from harm, its what allows us all to sleep at night. There's financial security, to some that means being rich, to others it means having enough for retirement, for some still, it means just having enough to be happy. There's emotional security, being secure enough in oneself, and those around you that you don't snap, alot of these all overlap. Each one of us walking this planet wants it, but what do you do personally to see to it that you have security? Surround yourself with healthy people, exercise, smoke stuff, buy a gun, get a dog, go to work, save money? We all do a little everyday to ensure our own sanity, my world will shortly involve automatic weapons, body armor, and the belief that those around me have my best interest in their minds. What a sobering thought.

I am from Phoenix, I left at the end of 1996. I have never moved back. All of my family save my sister is there. In almost a decade, I have seen it go from roughly 2 million people in the metro area, to more than 4 million. It is now the 5th largest city in the nation(Eat that Philadelphia) home prices went up more than 55% last year, highest in the nation. All that is fine and dandy, but for me, every time I go home, its a little bittersweet, the culture there, like anywhere, changes, and I become more and more a product of Los Angeles the longer that I live here. This is disheartening, because, the older that I get, the more of my parents I see in myself. Don't get me wrong, all of my parents are great people, upstanding members of society, but I feel that the longer that I am away, the farther apart that I grow from them. This sucks. I see my nieces and nephews grow up, the oldest just graduated high school at 16, smart girl, and my youngest nephew is now 7, he'll be almost 9 when I get home, will I know him when I see him again? Children grow and change so fast. I also find that my oldest brother has changed as he got older, he has found religion, not the creepy fundamentalist kind, but he attends church on a regular basis, and it has affected him and his behavior, and me not being there every day, I am only usually home for 3 or 4 days at a time, all I see are the drastic changes. I don't even really know why I refer to it as home, it hasn't been home for quite some time.

I went to dinner with an old female friend of mine, we drove by our old houses, and the old schools, and took a trip down memory lane. It was painful, and joyous at the same time. No-one in my family has ever met her, save my Dad, and she is kind of a world away from them. Her and I have a closeness that comes from 14 years of friendship. She knows every little secret that I have, and I her. We may not talk for a few months at a time, but when we finally do, its like we haven't even missed a day. I miss you Jess.

I said goodbye to my family. My Mom and Step-Dad will be there for the final family farewell sendoff that is coming shortly. As I was leaving their house on Saturday, my mother cried, I wasn't about to cry in front of my mother, I can't let her know how scared I am, and how much it hurts me to leave her. As soon I left her house, I was a mess. I got to my brothers, and cried like a little girl. Saying bye to the kids was more painful than anything else about the trip. Holding my youngest niece and nephew, and trying to explain to them I was going off to war, how do you tell a 7 and 8 year old? It still tears me up. Thats not to say that the older ones are taking it any better, the oldest boy was OK while I was there, but I heard after I left, that he was pretty bad. I called him and the 2nd oldest niece and reassured them that I would be OK, so now that I have promised that, I have to follow through. My father, stoic as always took it better than I would have thought, but he is by far the toughest man I have ever met, I am sure that it rough watching your child go off into harms way, but he is also proud, and I want to do this so that he can look back and be proud of me.

Another Soldier Stands Guard.....

2005-11-15T14:42:00.000-08:00

at the gates of Heaven. My day was shit. I found out this morning, that a very good friend of mine, someone who I have trained with over the last 4 years, passed away last night. The details are unimportant. What is important is that he is gone. He leaves behind a wife, and a 1 year old daughter.

He was scheduled to deploy with me, and I was counting on him to be one of the rocks that I would've leaned on to make it through with my sanity intact. Now he is gone. I watched him grow from an inexperienced Soldier, into someone that I was willing to place my life in his hands. He was young, 23. It is difficult, because this came out of nowhere, so sudden. We will bury him, and go on, because thats what the living do, espcially the Army. That doesn't mean that the pain will be felt any less. I will grieve in private, on my own time, after the shock wears off.

I believe that Soldiers, when we die, get to guard the Heavens from the denizens of evil, just like we do down here. I hope that he rests in peace.
Goodbye, I love you. May you find peace and love on the other side, and guide us into the lions den, and back out.

The Black Hole

2005-11-07T14:50:00.000-08:00

That's what my impending deployment feels like. It is this huge chunk of time that sucks all future wants and plans into it, and refuses to let them escape. the SO and I are making plans for the future, and I am all for that, but like I said its difficult. No one comes back from a war zone the same. It doesn't matter who you are, what your job was there, you will be a different person when you come back. Who am I going to be when I return? Images of the disgruntled Vietnam Vet that's afraid of crowds, cringes at backfires, and walks the perimeter of his house every night to make sure that its secure(I have to admit, I already do that, call me paranoid) come to mind. I have known many OIF(Operation Iraqi Freedom) and OEF(Operation Enduring Freedom(Afghanistan) Vets that have come back, and most of them aren't noticeably different. There are however subtle changes. Some have a bit more self confidence, some are basically the same, I can say that everyone I have known that has deployed has come back alive(I don't intend on breaking the streak). Some are a little more withdrawn, and some are even happier in life having survived a very harrowing year in a very dangerous place.

The future isn't set, you can get hit by a bus, killed in a car wreck, or maimed changing a light bulb in your house. Everyone of us that wakes up in the morning, takes risks that may end your life. Also, if you look at the sheer statistics of people that have rotated through both war zones, my chances of getting hurt or killed are very small. When its your time, there's nothing you can do about it. All I can do is show the people that I love, how I feel every day, so if something bad happens to me, there will be no question how I feel about them. (Can I get anymore cliche, please?)

The Countdown

2005-11-01T17:24:00.000-08:00

It has been over a month since I have last posted, and I promise that the posts will get more frequent, and more entertaining as the process speeds up. In less than 60 days, I will be back on Active Duty. The squad that I will be a part of is pretty much set in stone. There could be a couple more added or taken away, but its pretty much set. We have at last count, 4 Infantryman, 2 Combat Engineers (infantryish with the joy of blowing stuff up), 3 other various MOS's(military occupational specialty), and the Squad leader is also a combat arms veteran. We have argueably, the best squad in the entire company.

We were visited by the TAG of CA, and he talked with us for maybe 5-8 minutes, and it wasn't really all that memorable. Don't get me wrong, its a "big" deal when a 2 star general visits your AO, but to us lowly peons, it really means little. The reason that he was there is way more important that he himself is. There is a training site on the Central Coast, that prepare's deploying Reservists(that means all categories of Reservists), get ready for combat. Like all DoD programs, they all compete for a cut of the pie. Well, they simulated a lane of training, as an example to all of the bigwigs of what they do. I was flattered as the only non-infantry qualified person to be asked to be part of the demonstration(they needed someone to carry the machine gun), but I declined because I thought that it would be more important for me to be with my platoon in the field, little did I know, that the demonstration wasn't just for funding for CA, but for the whole Nat'l Guard nationwide. Had I known that, I would have done it in a heartbeat. I will say with a bit of pride that 2 of my squadmates were on the team. I will be in safe hands.

I go into my final days home with mixed emotions, and way too little time to spend with everyone that I'd like to. It is a very morbid idea, that someone who's 28 years old(I had a recent birthday), to have to have a will, occupational hazard I guess.

13 Names Etched in Stone

2005-09-30T12:06:00.000-07:00

That is the number if California National Guardsman that have died in combat. There is a small shrine to them built on Cp Roberts. It was built as a fountain back in the 40's when Bob was a POW camp. It was built by Italian POW's. It was discovered during new construction, and turned into its present form. Its both beautiful and sobering at the same time. These were men that went off and left families. They were as young as 19 (a baby) and as old as 43(still young in my book). I think that I am more scared of leaving my family behind to go on, and failing my comrades than I am of dying.

I have been accused of being brainwashed by some, and this may be true to a certain extent, but there is a certain nobility in being a Soldier. A certain trait that drives people to serve something greater than themselves. The thought of my mother changing the inevitable blue star to a gold one(people with family members deployed to war hang a flag with a red border, white background, and a blue star, one for each member deployed. This star changes to gold when a member of the family is killed), makes me sick. I believe that some of us are destined to do or be certain things in our lives. Some are cops, teachers, lawyers. Some of us are Soldiers. We are called scum by some, babykillers by others, heroes, and 1000 other names. All of those do a disservice to everyone who wears a uniform. We are no different than any one else, we CHOSE(or were chosen, some would say) to do something that most others wouldn't do. We love, we hate, we have our faults just like anyone else.

When I see those names on that fountain, the crossed rifles, my heart is heavy with sadness. I would hope that all people, regardless of your views of the war, would take time and think about the 2100 or so men and women that left and came back under the American flag. The next time you walk down the street, or are driving down the freeway, please take a minute and think about those that will never see those things again, and ask yourself, what would it take for you to fight?

Sorry for the sanguine nature of this post, I am feeling kind of melancholy lately and a little depressed, it will pass. Its not in my nature to be depressed for long, I am too much of a goofy dork to be in a funk for long.

EDIT: Just minutes after I finished writing this, I was informed(as are all Full Time Guard), that 3 members of the California Army National Guard, were killed on 3 consecutive days. Friday was not a good day for us. My heart and prayers go out to the families. Bringing the total of 16 names etched in stone.

Downsizing

2005-09-23T13:04:00.000-07:00

Well, the way-to-expensive house is ours now. Its a real pain in the ass going from 1600 sq ft, to 1200 sq ft, to 950 sq ft. Over the course of the last 5 years, the SO(significant other) and I have accumulated alot of crap. We are right back to the size of the living area that we started in. Our first apt was 1000 sq feet and we paid $580 a month in Olympia. Then it was off to a 750sq ft apt in LA, then the house and now to the current house. Don't get me wrong this house is beautiful, with gardens in both the front and backyards, and its closer to the beach than any house I'd ever thought that we'd be able to afford. So, overall, I am happy.

We visited our old town in the High Desert's outside of LA this week. I went by the old house just to see what the new owners had done to it. When I saw it, my heart was broken. It sits vacant, and my beautiful front yard, especially my rosebushes are all dead. I understand that its not mine anymore, but just the shock of seeing something that was once mine, languishing like that, is infuriating. I felt like breaking in and firebombing the thing.

I must extend a heartfelt thanks to my brother and sister-in-law, and my very good friend KB, for helping us move this last weekend. Without them, it would have been impossible to do it in one day. I have to go get my truck this weekend, and say thanks to my adopted California family the Hill's. They have stored my truck for the last 5 months while we sat in Downtown. They live in an area on the way to Vegas, and its my best friends parents, they adopted me while my friend was still on active duty, and became my de facto parents (thanks Jim and Cherie, I love you both). He and I met while I was on active duty, and I settled in the same region that he grew up in. Funny how life does that to you eh? Well the rest of the month is going to spent getting ready for another 2 week excursion to the Central Coast, and then getting the house squared away before the Big Show later on in the year.

Asian Fusion, USC, and War Books

2005-08-28T19:59:00.000-07:00

Let me start by telling you that living in LA is different from any other place that I have ever lived, or even spent any serious amount of time. My "brother-in-law", who grew up in Chicago, once said to me: LA has no history. Whatever fad is new and trnedy, then that is what is in, when that is over, then the next wave takes over. There are a million things to do here, and nothing at the same time. LA, like Phoenix, does not have a lot of Natives. Everyone here is from somewhere else. People come here to reinvent themselves, the "actor/actress moonlighting as a waiter/waitress" stereotype is true. I love LA and hate it at the same time. I sit here writing this as I am sweating my ass off, in my $1550 month rent apartment(converted warehouse with almost no ventilation, save for the skylight that opens 5 inches) waiting to pay entirely too much for a house that anywhere else would cost 90K . I love it because LA, more than any other place is a conglomeration of neighborhoods, and has more smells, tastes, and than any other city save NYC. Where else can you have Koreatown, that looks like downtown Seoul(trust me, I've been there), and right across the street have a Latino neighborhood? Enough of this, onto why I write tonite.

There is a restaurant that is called "Wokcano", it advertises itself as Chinese/Japanese Fusion, but I detected a hint of Korean as well. The California rolls were good, as was the Orange Chicken that I had. Its decently priced, and if you are ever in the Downtown area, I suggest it. It's very close to the Hotel Figueroa, on Figueroa, between Olympic and 9th. The problem that I had tonite, was that the place was basically empty, and the hostess sat us next to a table of loud, obnoxious, USC girls, which brings me to my next topic.

Being a native of Phoenix, my affections naturally go to Arizona State University when it comes to college's. I am a proverbial PAC-10 fan after that in that order(except for UofA, they can give Tucson back to Mexico as far as I am concerned), I'll root for any other PAC-10 team if my Sun Devils aren't playing. USC is close to Downtown LA, and locally it is known as University of Spoiled Children, which isn't that far from the truth. You see these Yuppies-in-training driving BMW's, Mercedes', and other cars that 19-20-yr olds would never have been able to afford. I don't hate them for it, but alot of these people are snobby as hell. I love it when we go out at night, and they look at us like the stuff you scrape off the bottom of your shoes, they are imbeciles, and they are in for a rude awakening when they get to the real world.

I bought, started and finished reading,"The Last True Story I'll Ever Tell" by John Crawford. 220 pages of the best non-fiction that I have read in a long time. The only thing bad that I have to say, is that the ending doesn't provide closure. He provides the reader of a simple taste of what he and his squad-mates went through. I couldn't put it down, and I hope that he is well. It's kind of scary reading about someone else's experience of the war, especially since he was a Nat'l Guardsman.

Just Don't Understand Parents

2005-08-25T06:14:00.000-07:00

I had a long discussion my parents last night, who are staunch conservatives. Not the Pat Robertson types, more along the lines of the small gov't branch of the Republican party. I really don't understand the Republican viewpoint. I have tried many times to see it from their point of view. I have some conserative views about certain issues, but at least on social ones, I am largely liberal.

My brother and I once had a conversation about this, and he asked the question, how could 2 Republicans, raise 2 kids that turned out to be staunch Democrats. Neither one of us is the flag-burning-don't bathe-dirty-hippy type of Democrats, but more of the socially liberal ones, if that makes any sense.

I bought a new gun 2 weeks ago, and I finally get to pick it up today, damn 10 waiting periods. One of the things that pisses me off about California are the gun laws, way out of whack with what I grew up with. Arizona and other states can do instant background checks, but we take 10 days? True, I don't need the gun right away, but like other Americans, I want instant gratification. Oh well.

News Junkie

2005-08-22T21:23:00.000-07:00

"Reuters: Four U.S. soldiers killed in Afghan blast"

Its headlines like this that grab my attention. Because of what I do, and what I am going to do, shit like this is of interest to me. I, unlike the rest of the world, am glued to the TV, Internet, Radio, any news source I can get my hands on.

Since basically 9/11, I have a been a news hound. Current events, both National and International have grabbed me and haven't let me go. This brings me to my next question. Does the United States, outside of the less than 1% of the population actually fighting this war, and the families there of, actually know that we are at war?

I have heard much buzz, and intend on reading a book that has just come out. It's called "The Last True Story I'll Ever Tell" by John Crawford. He is a Florida National Guardsman, and it tells the story of his deployment. One of the reviews that I read, he basically asks the same question.

I would have to say no. Most of the people outside of the military circles that my friends are, these are mostly the friends of my brother-in-laws, or my significant other's sister. They are for the most part, college educated (most have some sort of graduate degrees, as a few of them are lawyers), and they other than me, know nothing of the military. (One is the daughter of an Army Colonel, and Lieutenant Colonel, so not all of them are military novices). The majority of them are against the war, but very supportive of me and what I do. I have even had offers that amount to "whatever we need to do to get you out(of the deployment), we will". I appreciate the sentiment, but I can't run when my number is called, even though I want to, its my first instinct.

I was on the phone last week with a very close friend, she and I have been friends since the 8th grade. She said to me,"You are very brave." To which I replied,"No, I am very scared." But I am going to go anyways. It is not normal for someone to go into a dangerous situation knowingly, Cops(like my step-father), Firemen(like my brother, are my personal heroes), and Servicemembers are often considered brave, but I really don't feel brave when I think about how much I want to run, but I won't.

Typical Army

2005-08-06T06:37:00.000-07:00

I have been doing this for the better part of 9 years. I know that there is a certain amount of bulls**t that goes along with being in the Army, or just life in general. This seems to be a larger amount than usual. Let me fill you in.

The unit that I normally belong to, drill with, is not the same that I am training with at the moment, but they both fall under the same next level higher command. The command at the next level, decided that those of us that just got off of our 3 week training cycle, that we should drill this weekend. I know, I know, "you are in the Army, just deal with it," wrong, we were told before we left in July, that we wouldn't have to drill anymore until we leave, this turned out to be false information. So, because the Gov't runs on a Sep 30-Oct 1 year, they wanted us to show up and drill, so that their numbers look better, nevermind that it takes away weekends that we could be spending with our families.

Some folks just don't get it.

On a different note. I can tell that I have been in CA too long, when a 950 sq ft house, for 450K is a good deal. Even though it is close to the beach. Sometimes I miss Arizona.

Playing with Grunts

2005-08-04T06:10:00.000-07:00

The training period that went on at Cp Roberts, was interesting to say the least. Take 100 people, throw them into a unit, stir, and what you have, at least in our case, was a group of people that bonded pretty fast. There were the occasional spats, and one thing of note, was the command staff auctioned off their spots to younger Soldiers, so that we could get an idea of what it was like to run a Company. I paid $40 for the one of the staff jobs, the person that handles the logistical side of things. Arranging transporation, basically an enlisted Chief of Staff. The reason that this was notable was that the person who won the commander's slot (paid $330), was a person, that without a doubt came into the job thinking that he was going to change things.

He had an agenda, its a shame that he had absolutely no idea what he was doing. He was abrasive, obnoxious, and most importantly, a micro-manager. I warned him and all of the other play along staff, that remember what you do today, because tomorrow, you become a peon again. My advice was not heeded. He managed to piss off just about everyone in the company, myself included. He's lucky that he didn't get his ass kicked by someone, but it was a learning experience for everyone, and I learned that as much as I think I know, I am not ready for that level yet, give me another 5 years and I'll have it down.

The grunts in my platoon are the heart and soul of our little merry family. 2(the 3rd one left 2 weeks into the party, he should be included in this that he is older, has seen 2 wars, and is in a category all his own) in particular, they have between them, 8 months of combat experience. One was in Iraq, and ran over 40+ combat missions, and the other was in Kosovo for a while, and had his own share of the fun. They add a dimension to training that without them, would turn the same boring classes into fun. They are always quick to try and make someone smile, make a joke, or just make fun of you. They are also the hardest working people in the platoon. Any time that there is a job that needs to be done, they always step up to the plate. They inspire me to try and better my craft. I had a lot of fun, and learned more about leadership in 3 weeks under them than I had in the last 3 years in the Guard.

Training in the California Nat'l Guard

2005-07-20T21:03:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been training for about 2 weeks now. I am with a new unit, and learning a whole bunch of new stuff. The 25 person platoon that I am serving with is quite a mix of people. We have in our midst, 3 Iraq vets, 1 Kosovo vet, 1 Afghanistan vet, and a myriad of other job specialties and men and woman. I have to say that I am very impressed with the women. They are just as motivated and tough as the men, even though they can't carry as much weight, they don't complain and add a new dimension to my experience in the Army. I have served with women before, but not very often. My hat's off to them for their doing. The Infantry Soldiers add a wealth of knowledge to a bunch of "pogues" (Term for non-combat arms(Infantry, Armor, Artillery etc.) types). I have a lot of book knowledge, but practical experience, I am sadly lacking. The days are roughly 12-14 hours a day, and are filled with classes, training, and the heat, oh my god, the heat, its been over 100 the whole time out here. When you are wearing 20lbs of gear, long sleeves, and walking/running everywhere, it takes it's toll. I think that this unit will be very well off in the long run, but we have a lot of work to do before we get there.

I am looking forward to going home, I miss my significant other, and my animals. But I am roughly half-way done. My platoon was picked over all the others today to put on a demonstration for a major morning show this afternoon, that is a sign of pride for us. We got our asses kicked, it was an eye opening experience, it showed us how far we've come in 10 days of working together, and it showed us how far we need to go. Its good to get the experience here, as there is no replay button where we are going. I don't know how I feel about getting shot at for real, but if today is any indication, its not going to be fun, and I will get plenty pissed off. The confusion, the noise was unlike anything that I have ever been exposed to in my life, I hope when the real thing comes that I won't falter.

First Post

2005-07-08T07:23:00.000-07:00

Well ladies and gentlemen, this is my first post on my new blog.
Let me tell you a little about myself. I am a 27 years old, live and work in the Los Angeles area of Southern California. I am a full time National Guardsman. I have 4 cats, 2 dogs, and an incredible girlfriend of 7 years. I have been in the Army in some form or another since 1996. I have been assigned to Fort Drum NY, ROK, Fort Lewis WA, and Keesler AFB, Biloxi, MS. I am starting this simply to tell my story. I am scheduled to be deployed in the near future, and I will chronicle that as well. The train up, the mobilization, and the deployment as well.

I was born and raised in Phoenix, AZ. My family is still there. I have 3 brothers(2 step), and 1 step-sister who lives in Mississippi. My step dad is a cop of 26 years, and my mom works for the local county goverment. One of my brother's is a Phoenix Fireman, and the other 2 are in the construction industry. My sister is a youth minister currently pretending to be a substitute teacher. My dad works in the utilities industry, and my step mom works for a tractor-trailer manufacturing company.

My brother and his wife have 5 kids between the 2 of them(they're Catholic, give 'em a break). My nieces and nephews range in ages between 16 and 7. All of them smart and spectacular kids.

My military career has been very interesting, and contunues to be so. I am in the Electronic Maintenance field, and I have had the oppotrunity to cross train, and see some real nice things(the sun going down over Puget Sound being one the best. I loved living in the Pacific NW, and wanted to stay).

Thats pretty all about me. I will start posting with some regualrity within the next 3-4 weeks. (I have to go to wonderful Cp Roberts for some training, I hate that place!!)

As soon as I get a digital camera, I will start posting pictures of me and my life.