The Black Hole

That's what my impending deployment feels like. It is this huge chunk of time that sucks all future wants and plans into it, and refuses to let them escape. the SO and I are making plans for the future, and I am all for that, but like I said its difficult. No one comes back from a war zone the same. It doesn't matter who you are, what your job was there, you will be a different person when you come back. Who am I going to be when I return? Images of the disgruntled Vietnam Vet that's afraid of crowds, cringes at backfires, and walks the perimeter of his house every night to make sure that its secure(I have to admit, I already do that, call me paranoid) come to mind. I have known many OIF(Operation Iraqi Freedom) and OEF(Operation Enduring Freedom(Afghanistan) Vets that have come back, and most of them aren't noticeably different. There are however subtle changes. Some have a bit more self confidence, some are basically the same, I can say that everyone I have known that has deployed has come back alive(I don't intend on breaking the streak). Some are a little more withdrawn, and some are even happier in life having survived a very harrowing year in a very dangerous place.

The future isn't set, you can get hit by a bus, killed in a car wreck, or maimed changing a light bulb in your house. Everyone of us that wakes up in the morning, takes risks that may end your life. Also, if you look at the sheer statistics of people that have rotated through both war zones, my chances of getting hurt or killed are very small. When its your time, there's nothing you can do about it. All I can do is show the people that I love, how I feel every day, so if something bad happens to me, there will be no question how I feel about them. (Can I get anymore cliche, please?)